Publish Her Immigration Story is a digital series that honors and humanizes the diverse experiences and voices of immigrant, Indigenous, refugee and first-generation women. Submit your story.

By Paxyshia Yang

My family carries trauma. It is trauma that my parents can still remember but they do not burden us with the details. They were forced out of their homes and into refugee camps. They ran through the jungles, crossed rivers and lost family members. They were asked to fight in a war that was not theirs and they did. They were promised a new home in a different land.

A new home with generations of families split so far apart. My mom’s family originally was sponsored to Tennessee. My father, his sister, brother-in-law, nieces and nephew were in Montana. They were all so lucky to find a way to connect and realize a lot of family was in Minnesota and Wisconsin.

We’ve gathered together to create a community here that stretches beyond bloodlines. We memorized streets, learned the highways, traveled from the bottom of the state to the very top. Now we are living in some of the scariest times. It is terrifying and confusing and pretty debilitating. There is small room for hope.

I flinch at knocks on the door and double-check that doors are locked. I look into cars that are not mine just in case there is an opposite direction I need to run. I carry my passport around but worry it is not enough. I was born here but so were others and it is not enough. I sit and wonder how this can be right.

I was born here and I am scared. I think about how I could be stopped for the way I look. I think about how I look like my mother who looks like hers who looked like hers. I have such pride in looking like my mother but these days, it could get me in trouble, which means they could too, and that pains me more than anything.

I grew up knowing that my family was not from this country and that refugee camps were where they lived. I know the Mekong River was where they had to cross for a chance to live. I knew my father was separated from his parents for a chance to build something in this country.

When my family arrived in this country, it became home. To detain us and send us back to “where we came from” is outrageous considering we as a people do not have a home to return to. We don’t even have a flag. All we have is a language and traditions that we pass on to the next generations along with the love and spirits of our ancestors to watch over us.

I also know that I come from strength and hope. I know that they shared love and joy with me so I wouldn’t know their pain. I know they gave me life by enduring.

I want to hope that individuals and families like mine will continue to hold on. I hope they can be strong especially because it is hard. I hope they know they are not alone because despite it all, we have neighbors who do care.

We will make it through because we have come this far. We were put on this earth with the endurance of all the ancestors before us. They engraved it in us and passed it down. We have it in us.

Among all of this, there are a few things that remain the most true: I love immigrants. I love what they’ve done for us, what they stand for, what they hope for and how much they continue to love. They make this life worth living.

About the Author

Paxyhia Yang is a model, bookworm and social media creator who never edits out her insecurities—she shares them. She cultivates an inclusive space online that celebrates individuality and creates not only for plus-size and Asian folks but for all who resonate with her story. Follow her on Instagram @paxyshia and @pazukoreads.

About Publish Her Immigration Story

Publish Her Immigration Story is a digital series that honors and humanizes the diverse experiences and voices of immigrant, Indigenous, refugee and first-generation women; this series is also a prologue to a forthcoming anthology. These personal narratives explore resistance, survival, new beginnings and what it’s like to live as a marginalized woman in the U.S. Submit your story.

About Publish Her

Publish Her is a female-founded publisher dedicated to educating authors and elevating the words, writing and stories of women. We are passionate about amplifying the voices of women of color, women with disabilities and members of the LGBTQ+ community. We aim to make publishing an attainable, exciting and collaborative process for all.